Not feeling very angry these days? No worries, the Internet can help!
I’m sure I’ve posted before about my addiction to the web application StumbleUpon, and its infurating inability to distinguish between stuff that is funny, and stuff that is terrible and makes me lose faith in humanity. I forgive it– it is only an algorithm, after all, and it is unfair to ask a computer to understand humor even in the sci fi days in which we live– but sometimes I just have to blow off some steam.
Here are some terrible “jokes” StumbleUpon has sent me to! Read them, and never feel like laughing again!
Manly Jelly Bean Flavors: gotta make candy less gay somehow, or men will be turned into ladies just by looking at them too long! And no one wants to be a lady!
Perfect Days for Him and Her: this is mostly here because the image at the top just always makes me laugh, in that lol/sob way. Ditto for the recurring phrase: “bending over showing her growler.” (Can you guess whose “perfect day” that is?)
Sex and Calories: this one started off so well, with the following “gem”: “Removing her clothes: With her consent – 12 Calories. Without her consent – 187 Calories.” Ha, ha! Rape sure is good exercise!
What goes through your mind when someone says, “Let’s go for a drink?”: Lady brains are so emotional and complicated, and also it’s weird that they spend so much time in the bathroom! Thank god you’re a man! No, really, that’s the actually punchline. They write it out and everything. Thank god you’re a man.
The 8 Most Sexually Explicit Snowman Photos: also known as the 8 most bizarrely misogynistic snowman photos.
Lucky Son: I pay lip service to loving my gay son no matter what, but mostly he exists to fulfill the narrative purpose of totally outing your sons, thereby making you look like idiots for praising them.
Before Marriage/ After Marriage: marriage sucks and wives are terrible! It’s funny because it’s true!
The Dog House: marriage sucks and wives are– wait, didn’t I just do this one?
Adam and Eve, the gay version: I really have no idea what the fuck is supposed to be going on here.