I kissed a girl, and I liked it. Because I was dating her.

September 30, 2009

I have a post brewing on how I think Lady Gaga might be a lot cooler than I originally thought she was. (Short version: doesn’t the Paparazzi music video seem like a criticism of the sexualized violence against women?) I thought maybe I was being to harsh on other female pop singers, so I thought I’d give Katy Perry another look.

Darlings, I couldn’t stand it! Here are the lyrics to “I kissed a girl,” with all the lines that are positive about lesbianism in italics, and all the lines that say NO REALLY I’M STRAIGHT, DUDES, THIS IS JUST SO I LOOK HOTTER, NOT A LESBO, I SWEAR… those are in bold.

This was never the way I planned, not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion
It’s not what I’m used to, just wanna try you on
I’m curious for you caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it

I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

It felt so wrong, it felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don’t even know your name, it doesn’t matter
You’re my experimental game, just human nature
It’s not what good girls do, not how they should behave

My head gets so confused, hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick

I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

It felt so wrong, it felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist, so touchable
Too good to deny it

It ain’t no big deal, it’s innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick

I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

It felt so wrong, it felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

So. There are 15 (and a half) lines frantically reaffirming her heterosexuality (seriously, “No, I don’t even know your name, it doesn’t matter/ You’re my experimental game” ?!), 9 that are just the chorus (positive towards the whole kissing-girls thing but really just one line over and over again), and 8 and a half that are saying nice things about ladies. (Plus the two that are “It’s not what good girls do, not how they should behave/ My head gets so confused, hard to obey” — it seems to play into her sexy-naughty schtick but it’s harder to classify.)

15 of 33 lines are about how she’s totally straight– that’s almost half the song. The chorus is exactly half and half. And the few bits that aren’t aggressively straight get immediately negated. I didn’t plan to, I have a boyfriend, I just wanted to try it… It ain’t no big deal, it’s innocent.

Yeah. If that’s what kissing girls is like for you, maybe you’re doing it wrong. Unless, of course, you’re only doing it to titillate.. in which case, the random lingerie pillowfight in the music video makes more sense now. (A video that, by the way, ends with her in bed with a dude, smiling at him!)

I think for songs about bisexuality and explorations thereof, I’m going to stick with Lady Gaga, and Poker Face.

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Fuck you, Katy Perry!

May 7, 2009

So, after seeing Shakesville’s post showcasing a fabulous video set to Lily Allen’s “Fuck You,” I decided I absolutely couldn’t live without owning the song, so I toodled over to iTunes. After I bought the song, the following popped up at the top of my iTunes Store:

fuck-you-katy-perry

Okay, a new feature, wev; it might actually be handy sometimes. I have a surprising fondness for Lady Gaga (on the right there, with the sunglasses), though she’s the polar opposite of Lily Allen in terms of subversiveness (I mean, compare Lily’s song about fame, The Fear, to Lady Gaga’s, Beautiful Dirty Rich. Those links lead to the videos but the titles set up a contrast on their own.) So, a weird choice, but I’m not averse to it… what are the others? I may genuinely like them.

Oh, what’s that?

fuck-you-katy-perry-small

Thanks, Katy Perry! Good to know!

The lyrics of the song, for your enragement, are as follows:

[Verse 1]
I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway 
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

[CHORUS]
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like…

[Verse 2]
You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…

[CHORUS]
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like…

[BRIDGE]
You walk around like you’re oh so debonair
You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there
I wish you would just be real with me

[CHORUS]
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
Oh no no no no no no no
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like 
No you don’t even like… PENIS

Indeed. You, dear generic audience member who is therefore male, are gay. You, quote, “don’t even like boys” (or “PENIS”), but you are still gay, because… you enjoy “pretentious” music and/or literature? You are environmentally-friendly? You’re pale? She is seriously saying, in public, that men who “don’t eat meat” are gay?

Oh, but I forgot, she doesn’t mean “gay” like, you know, gay, she just means “gay” like, bad.

You know what, Katy Perry?

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind 
And look a bit harder 
‘Cause we’re so uninspired 
So sick and tired 
Of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it’s not okay to be gay 
Well I think you’re just evil 
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces 
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very very much 
‘Cause we hate what you do 
And we hate your whole crew 
So please don’t stay in touch


Women’s Music: The Be Good Tanyas

April 13, 2009

In avoidance of my anger towards the Amazon Fail (recent details coming soon not withstanding), I thought I would introduce you to one of my favourites. A Vancouver trio of folk artists, The Be Good Tanyas have so many beautiful songs I wasn’t sure which one I wanted to share, but as soon as I came across this one I thought it best. The Downtown Eastside of Vancouver is widely known for it’s jarring poverty, homelessness, prostitution and drug addiction. Over the years the neighbouring communities have pushed the down-trodden further and further into its belly, leaving it possibly the grimmest part of British Columbia. While the Junkie Song embedded below is not necessarily speaking about the Downtown Eastside (there are no Skytrain stations within the community – ok there’s Main St, but that’s actually just south of the area), the video maker has fittingly included many shots of this part of Vancouver.

What am I supposed to do? 
There are too many of you 
Too many of you… 
Yet sometimes I look you in the eye 
And say that I too am human. 
I could easily be you… 

You know we all hover between apathy and compassion. 
We fill up all our days with so much distraction. 
It makes it easier not to see what we don’t want to
But we all live here
We all live here.
We all live lonely.

From Ken Cox’s biographical blurb on their website:

Some have called these three anachronistic – they dress in outfits that hearken back to the Roaring Twenties; their Chinatown cover is decorated with Tetley Tea graphics from long ago. Perhaps they are neoclassicists; perhaps they are pacifistic postmodernists; perhaps they just love the old songs and love writing and singing new songs that just sound old. It is amazing that a group from Vancouver, British Columbia shows Americans what their own music sounds like. The Be Good Tanyas make modernly nostalgic music; one listen to any of their projects (especially the Stephen Foster song “Oh, Susanna” on Blue Horse) and one is hooked permanently.

If someone’s looking for traditional American sounds that return to the Jimmie Rodgers/Carter Family era, he or she can find those sounds in this trio. If a person longs for sparse instrumentation along with voices that do not bellow or boast, he or she can find musical peace with these three ladies. If a person wants to hear performers who embrace the folk, country, and blues roots of American music with a little touch of the contemporary, then The Be Good Tanyas are voices that come out of the wilderness and onto center stage, performing music that transcends their birthdates and transports their listeners from the past to the present and vice-versa. Sam, Frazey, and Trish are an open-ended musical time capsule in suspended animation – out of the wilderness and into CD speakers and human ears – awaiting a musical feast.

I don’t know what else to add. Oh! I love them 🙂


The “I promise I still blog here!” blogaround

March 14, 2009

I exercised today, and even though it was only ten minutes at a pleasant walking pace, well, I’m totally wiped out. I’m going to be trying to do the same every day– and even work up to more exercise!– but I might be a bit, well, absent.

So to tide you over, some great links from my RSS feed!

Newspapers and Thinkingthe Unthinkable

“It makes increasingly less sense even to talk about a publishing industry, because the core problem publishing solves — the incredible difficulty, complexity, and expense of making something available to the public — has stopped being a problem…Society doesn’t need newspapers. What we need is journalism. For a century, the imperatives to strengthen journalism and to strengthen newspapers have been so tightly wound as to be indistinguishable. That’s been a fine accident to have, but when that accident stops, as it is stopping before our eyes, we’re going to need lots of other ways to strengthen journalism instead.”

Women & Work

Quick Hit: It’s Almost as if Fat Tastes Good

The panel – which receives funding from the UK’s Margarine and Spreads Association – suggests that consumers use stronger cheese and low-fat polyunsaturated or mono-unsaturated spreads instead of butter.

I’m reading this whole thing like, “Wait, isn’t the jury still out on butter vs. margarine? And hasn’t everybody heard that at this point? Why does this make no mention of that? OH I SEE.”

That little fun fact also makes this beauty make a whole lot more sense:

Nigella Lawson is criticised for using butter instead of margarine in her egg and bacon pie, with a single serving brimming with 36g of fat.

Yes, clearly butter is the culprit responsible for jacking up the saturated fat content of EGG AND BACON PIE. Remember to flavor your bacon pie with a “heart-healthy spread,” folks!

Tiger Beatdown: Adventures in Victorian Literature: Kelly Clarkson Version

The song of which I speak, performed by Ms. Clarkson, is entitled “I Do Not Hook Up.” It is a thoughtful examination of sexual politics, and also why boys won’t like you if you consent to have sex with them without extorting some promise of undying love and/or a wedding ring from them first! Let us perform some literary analysis of this groundbreaking piece.

The Salad Police

I have a very poignant sociological observation for you all, so get ready:

The sight of a fat woman eating a salad makes people lose their minds, and wallow in self-hatred.


I can’t quite “Figure You Out”

March 5, 2009

OK, so I was driving home and I had the radio on to some random rock music, which is pretty normal for me. (I’m about 50/50 classic rock/NPR.) A song I’d never heard before comes on. Here are the lyrics, along with my running commentary.

I like your pants around your feet

Woah! Not exactly an auspicious start to the generally-problematic-to-begin-with Love Song!

I like the dirt that’s on your knees

And I like the way you still say please

While you’re looking up at me

Is this a song about pedophilia…?

You’re like my favourite damn disease

And I love the places that we go

And I love the people that you know

And I love the way you can’t say no

OUCH! Maybe it is a song about pedophilia, and it’s supposed to be really creepy and terrible? Because, uh, that line is pretty creepy and terrible!

Too many long lines in a row

I love the powder on your nose

But children don’t generally powder their noses. Nor do women… is this a song about the 1800s…?

Ooooh

And now I know who you are

I don’t!

It wasn’t that hard

Just to figure you out

And now I know who you are

It wasn’t that hard

Just to figure you out

I like the freckles on your chest

That’s actually a pretty cool personal detail to notice about someone. Maybe this verse will be better. Although for some reason freckles still give me that “childish” vibe…

And I like the way you like me best

And I like the way you’re not impressed,

While you put me to the test

I like the wine stains on your dress

Increasingly I think he’s just creepy by accident. Seriously, you love it when she’s drunk and has spilled wine all over herself? That’s endearing to you? Incapacitation?

And I love the way you pass the check

And I love the good times that you wreck

And I love your lack of self respect

While you’re passed out on the deck

Okay, yeah, apparently incapacitation is endearing to you…

I love my hands around your neck

WHAT. I… but… what?

And now I know who you are

I still really, really don’t. Is the song supposed to be this messeed-up?

It wasn’t that hard

Just to figure you out

And now I know who you are

It wasn’t that hard

Just to figure you out

I love your pants around your feet

And I love the dirt that’s on your knees

And I like the way you still say please

While you’re looking up at me

Okay, blah blah blah, heard this already… I guess it could apply to just a creepily subservient, but nevertheless adult, woman…

You’re like my favourite damn disease

And I hate the places that we go

Wait, you hate her now??

And I hate the people that you know

And I hate the way you can’t say no

What?? Do I have to reverse all my opinions of this song’s total creepiness based on the fact that, at the end, he doesn’t like “the way you can’t say no”?

Too many long lines in a row

I hate the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are

It wasn’t that hard

Just to figure you out

And now I know who you are

It wasn’t that hard

Just to figure you out

Folks, I really just don’t get it. My current theory is that this song is about a guy who “loved” his totally slutty girlfriend until he remembered that sluts are worthless, and then he hated her. And I guess it’s called “Figured You Out” and that’s the chrous because it’s about him “figuring out” the sluttiness based on, for example, being passed out on the deck.

I have an alternate title to propose: “Abusive Douchebag.”


Women’s Music: Nedra Johnson Edition

February 23, 2009

I’ve been wanting to share one of my favourite Michfest wimmin musicians with y’all: Nedra Johnson! While I’m not usually very much into this style of music, I find I just love her stuff. She has a number of pieces that I really love, particularly “Ahha (It’s A Good Thing).” Sadly I can’t find any good quality videos on youtube so please go to her site and give her stuff a listen. But, just to peak your interest, here’s a reeeealllly shitty tape of her live (heh). Now GO to her website and listen to a good version! heeh 😀


Women’s Music: Down the Lees

February 22, 2009

I got the following email a while ago, and accidentally left it withering in my inbox for a month! But now I am sharing it with you:

Hey Eloriane,

I’m a queero from Vancouver, BC that has just released a new album and I thought maybe you would want to listen to some tunes. I have some free mp3’s on my website. Here’s a little synopsis:

DOWN THE LEES

A veteran of the Vancouver music scene, Laura Lee (LL) Schultz gained a plethora of experience playing in bands such as NEW YEARS RESOLUTION, the SKINJOBS, SINGLESEVEN and QUEAZY. Having a career that sparked in the early ‘90s gave LL the opportunity to play with bands such as The Rose Chronicles, Propagandhi, Minus the Bear, Pansy Division and Xui Xui . Being involved with and having 4 full length albums under her belt, LL welcomes the extra notch with Down the Lees’ The Guest Room. The new album was engineered and produced by LL in her home studio, Off White House Studios, in the summer of 2008. Drums and additional bits here and there were recorded by Shawn Penner (Hot Hot Heat, Mother Mother) and boasts performances from members of Portico, Wintermitts and New Years Resolution. Songs roam from full on rock out epics ‘The Lullaby’ to acoustic ditties about love ‘On a Lie’ to poppy regretful friendships in ‘Talk is Not Cheap’.

– On the launch date the track ‘Alone on a Thursday’ was featured as track of the day on CBC Radio 3

– The Guest Room has been added to numerous radio stations across Canada and continues to have regular rotation on CBC 3 Radio 3

– The album can be purchased at many various online retailers, including Chapters and HMV

Here are a couple links for you to grab high res photos, mp3’s and a one sheet….if you want 😉

www.downthelees.com

www.downthelees.com/music.html (mp3 downloads)

www.myspace.com/downthelees

LauraLee

Her music didn’t really inspire any critiques, but Crowfoot and I certainly liked it and we thought a self-proclaimed queero (and a butchy one at that!) deserved a bit of promotion, especially since she’s not likely to be too popular with the big recording studios etc. (boo on them!) Also, one of her songs is called “Jekyl Hearts Hyde,” which is awesome.

So, there you go! Check out her music; you may like it. And LauraLee, we’re wishing you the best of luck.